Hourglass
by murasakiirothoughts
Summary: Two men with troubled pasts become intertwined. Will their decisions help them achieve what they have lost? Will they need more time to reach their goal? Or will time run out once a heart becomes irreparable?
1. Contenplating

So tired, this is my first fic. *please treat me nicely* I really like to pair Gupta/Sadiq ; Alfred/Russia ; Watanuki/Domeki ; and Fai/Kurogane together....for now, anyways. HOPE THIS IS TOO HORRIBLE.

Arigato for reading!

* * *

_GUPTA_

_The Nile river was flowing with a crimson color and rusted and metallic smell, and as a child he had every right to be terrified. Who could blame him, when his world had made a drastic change from what he had always known. Safety and the answers to his questions were to surely lie within his mother, but instead of seeing her with her arms open waiting for him, the only sight he got an eyeful of was his mother being stabbed by the high priest. Immobilized the child seemed to be made of marble, not flesh and blood. The little boy's eyes displayed fear and the utmost betrayal, the only difference was, he wasn't afraid of the flesh and blood before him, he thought that he had sinned and the gods had left him unprotected. How do you cope with what you do not know? How do you scream when you are a statue made of fear? How do you react when the high priest walks past you saying you are the new ruler, and that Allah should have mercy on your soul? You can only collapse because all the pillars of strength that you have, have given out. _

Hitting yourself on the wooden post bed wasn't the most wonderful way to wake up. Luckily it brought him to attention of how much blood he had lost and how Gupta should clean up the floor and burn his now crimson liens and satin bedding. With the world looking hazy and swaying in alarming patterns, Gupta managed to keep himself together as he pulled himself out of the bed. To this day he still would feel for the warmth and solitude of his mother's arms. Deluding himself has always been one of his most endearing qualities. He did it then and he did it now, it was part of his nature, it always had been.

Every time he watched the flames lick the robes, Gupta would wonder how that symbolized his life. The way the flames of the greedy fire reminded him of his greedy advisers. The crimson coloring of his robes changing to black charcoal and eventually ashes, showed him that he had a tendency of destroying whatever he simply didn't like. The purity of the white cloth was a comforting aspect. It showed that he was strong, and even when the robes were stained rouge, he still had an air of innocence about him. _But, everything has its own predetermined end. I can try to avoid it, but it WILL happen. _Through all of this Gupta remained impassive and distant. It was rare for the young Egyptian to do anything but. The only reason his expression would change would be if he was around Sadiq. The huge fireball of energy would affect him to the point where he had no choice, but to smile.

They had met on few occasions when they were both trading goods when in the world market, but it had been fleeting. _And to be honest, the only thing I remember is that mask he wore and those beautiful brown eyes hidden underneath, anyways. _It was rare for him to pay attention to detail about anyone. Within the first few moments of meeting you, Gupta could tell if you were a dangerous person or if he could talk to you. From what he gathered, Arthur was okay, only when he wasn't drinking. Francias was never okay to be around. Alfred and Ivan were only okay to talk to when they were dating, and Italy and Germany were......_oh, I might as well have to face it, THAT is a love and hate relationship. Or is that Ivan's and Alfred's relationship?.....oh well, its not my business, all I have to do is make sure I always avoid Francis.

* * *

_

_Hopefully next chapter I can post will be about how they meet. Expect at least 5 chapters if not 10. I want to go to casual meetings to marriage....be happy because that involves research, and I hate research. PLEASE REVIEW. _


	2. Aguish in the sweetest melody

….HALLO people! This is written in honor of **15animefreak15** because she was my first subscriber! Yays!...and I am done with my exams.....and ill try to post as much as I can until finals start next week. XD. OH, and if anyone knows how in the hell to edit your profile please tell me...its either that or this site needs to make it easier....and have a favorite button, I mean come on, I hate having to find out the ids to my favorite stories....and without further ado, here's Chapter 2 of Hourglass.

Divided we are acknowledge the pain, together, we try to flit away our desire from one another.- sorry I thought of that and squealed...i guess this is forshadowing?. .

_Gupta's expression remained impassive. He didn't even want to decapitate the high priest himself. That revelation had the whole palace gossiping like the whispering of the fern leaves that fanned him throughout the day. It had shocked everyone to be wary around him. The practice of murdering the pharaoh was common. It had happened enough to the point when everyone found it a part of life, unless, of course, it was a sibling, or a mother. That would earn you a world where you were feared, alone, and constantly kept awake at night, due to the constant gossip of who was going to kill you next. The role was always acted upon, the person who wanted to rule would get someone to due the dirty job, unless, it became personal and the new ruler would pretend to be shocked, and fulled of unhappiness. Then as a favor to the dead, the new ruler would always kill the person responsible or who they could blame. _I have never understood the behavior of my past ancestors.

_Sadiq was torn in pieces. For too long had that face haunted him. He couldn't even enjoy himself anymore. Once, running his hands over a woman's bodice and bosom, had given him the utmost pleasure. It was the main reason why he liked to show the women around Turkey alone. _Yea, I would get a slap of some sort most of the time, but who doesn't?_ It was these thoughts that were consuming him, the unknown desire he had. _For what? Why was I so entranced by that young man that I met once upon a time? _Constantly the desire to see him again had reared its beautiful head. It made his blood warm like liquid fire. No, it was more like magma was poured into his heart. The feelings were so intense that he didn't even realized there was a group of lovely young girls passing him. _

Snapping out of his whirl wind of thoughts, Sadiq chased after the girls. _Maybe if I show them around I can forget about him for a few hours._

* * *

Gupta was tired. He was tired of living. He was tired of thinking about that man. _It is impossible. I won't even begin to allow myself to think about him. It is unnatural, disgusting, and full of sin. After all, I have sinned too much in this life. This reminds me of Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep, they probably had a hard time too. _Gupta was annoyed that they could have something that he wanted, a relationship, but it did make him think about if he wanted it with رجل ذو القناع .

_Sadiq had come to a conclusion. And it irritated the hell out of him. _I don't find pleasure in women anymore....everytime I want to, my body only reacts to that boy's çikolata gözler merak dolu.What is he a gpsy? Why in the hell does that boy still enchant me after all these months?

A few notes-

this isn't what I really intended...i wanted them to meet this chapter..but I love angst. And I like details, so therefore, I will torture myself into giving as much details as I can....

رجل ذو القناع – in Arabic means the man with the mask. (sorry its cheesy, but they don't know each others names yet....

çikolata gözler merak dolu – Turkish for chocolate eyes full of wonder (this is what I come up with?)

I found a few facts on the first gay male couples in history...and since this is centered in egypt...i looked...was easy though. Yay to the internet... here is the site where I got the article that inspired me to include that tidbit in the story...http:// www. .au ? Tid=8779...remove the spaces...HOPED EVERYONE LIKED IT!oh and THANK YOU GOOGLE TRANSLATE!


	3. Bullets and Uncertainy

I'm officially on a roll...probably I wasn't that happy about the last chapter, I think I was everywhere and nowhere at one time. So I'm trying to resurrect my interest and put my all in this chapter...wish me luck.. oh and I had a funny conversation in the library today. It ended with me singing a song about how Sadiq and Gupta will be together and how gay male love is hot. In return, everyone stared at me. I hate being the only one who knows what APH is. Oh and this is a safe chapter (has someone ask me if it was work safe) it only reaches PG. (yay, I wrote almost a page and a half, going to go get spice cake to celebrate)

Gupta was confused. He was rarely confused. Every pair of eyes was not THAT pair of eyes. Only that set seemed to be as enchanted as a water lily that has just peeked out from the confines of its sepals. The other countries that were circling the market had flat, lifeless eyes. It was depressing. _Where is he?This is silly, I just should give up. Its impossible, out of the billions and billions people on earth, most who have brown eyes, the odds of finding him aren't even plausible. _Gupta was disappointed in himself.

Why was he even looking for that man anyways. What did he expect?

Sitting on the side of the street was a novel experience. Scanning the street for a person he had only caught a glimpse of was hard. Until their world had collapsed on themselves. Everything they knew seemed so insignificant now that they had both found what the other was looking for. Their eyes met. The feeling was enormous. It was like being hit with a giant wave and drowning in pure bliss. It was as if the biggest stars in the universes had finally collided and sucked the breath out of one another. Neither felt any compelling reason to look away. Even though people were beginning to stare at them. In fact, they barely even noticed. It was as if the world wasn't splattered with beautiful shades of cherry, teal, sunshine and auburn. It had lost all its luster, all its qualities leaving them unfulfilled. That feeling was heart wrenching. This unidentified feeling left Gupta and Sadiq in morbid curiosity. This was the bullet that had shot through them, the feeling that they both did not want to understand, but were drawn it, despite how catastrophic the results may be.

"Isn't impolite to devour someone with a piercing stare?",Sadiq said, while wondering over to the stranger.

"How is it impolite when you are doing the same?",Gupta whispered. _Why is his voice like silk that has been dyed indigo?_

"Touche, Shall we get out of the rain?"The weather was beginning to get progressively worse. The gentle snapping and putter-patter had turned into numerous clapping and gentle thumping upon a patch of dirt.

But, this was a rare time for him to enjoy being in the rain. Instead of hearing the annoying repetition of clapping he heard violins doing simple scales in piano. Then suddenly, the rain that was falling upon him and Sadiq burst forward. The cellos has joined in and were creating a sorrowful, yet joyful melody, it was a perfect rendition of Yirma's Moonlight. Gupta, decided that he didn't completely despise the rain anymore. How could he when the stranger he had been looking for was right in from of him? Even if every rain drop that fell was as cold as icy water and was sent from Antarctica, Gupta felt warm inside.

"-think?",Sadiq asked quizzically. There was something unnatural about this moment. Sadiq was perfectly fine with standing in the rain with him. It didn't occur to hi ad strange, wrong, weird, or unnatural, the moment just seemed right. The rainfall wasn't as much as a big deal to him, whereas the dessert nation it was an outer body experience. _I wonder how he will cope if it starts snowing?_Unbeknownst to him, unconsciously Sadiq pulled the young man gently into his arms. The smells that infused his senses when he hugged him was ethereal. It reminded him of the Egyptian Spice Bazaar in his beloved hometown of Istanbul. _I could always smell the scents of the spices when I would stand on __the southern end Galata Bridge._ He could identify aniseed, cinnamon, coriander, cumin, dill, fennel, fenugreek, marjoram, mustard, honey, and thyme. The spices seemed to permeate the air in such a way that it intoxicated Sadiq. _In this life, I have to meet you again._

Being so close to this man made Gupta sigh with joy. His scent only could bring one word to his mind, a dessert that was so heavenly. ملبن . It made him want to cry. It was the last dessert his mother had got him before she died. The taste of the delicious powdered dessert with walnuts and cinnamon still lingered upon his tongue. That day was special, it was truly the last time I saw her smile and laugh as if she didn't have a care in the world. Gupta was so engrossed in his thoughts and memories, he didn't even notice when he started to cry into the other mans coat._ Why am I finding comfort in someone I don't even know?_

"Could I get you name?", Sadiq asked quite timidly, "By the way, mine is Sadiq."

Doing his best to make it look like he had not been crying, Gupta replied, "Gupta-I apologize for being creepy." Amazingly, Sadiq didn't mind their intimate hug. All he wanted at that moment was to hug Gupta again and smell the spice market, while the rain was falling, of course. He concluded, that if he ever had the chance to become close to this angel again, then he would take the chance and never let go.

Day 1- I wrote the first paragraph then had a writers block...then went through some therapy by watching BL movies

Day 2- nothing...until I went back to my classical roots and the love of Yirma...that's when the rain scene popped into my head...

Day 3-http:/ www. / go/Istanbul /Sights/GoldenHorn/EgyptianMarket. Html

wher I got info on the Spice Bazaar. Also, search Wikipedia for turkish delights. It will shed some light on what Gupta was thinking. I think im quite satisfied with this chappie, tell me if you love hate or just want to beg me to write more romantic scenes...THANKS FOR READING.


	4. Crusades and Bangles

Hello again guys...this is gonna be kinda long so...Skip this now or come read later!

This Wednesday I received a review:

this is very interesting your approach is unique on this couple (they lack in  
love sadly) so thank you for sharing and i hope to read more.

But sadly it can from an anonymous person I will put my reply her/him.

***POTENTIAL SPOILER?***

Dear A-san,

Thanks for the compliment. I don't see exactly why my approach is different considering how I haven't done much detail and given you much of a setting, (XD) but I appreciate it all the same. The reason my characters lack love is because: They don't fully realize what they are doing. Think of them as being intoxicated by one another, and when you are intoxicated, you don't generally have any say in what you feel or what your body does.

Thanks for making me think more about how I want the story to be – Chase. (..I just realized I am writing this based on some of my personal problems...scary.)

**And back to my usual ramblings.**

I want some Turkish delight...oh and some of you may be happy to know that I will once again resurrect Gupta's emotional problems in this chapter, and I might shed some more light on Sadiq's. HAPPY READING!  
_

The Turkish tea was too cold. Sadiq's razor sharp eyes had watched the waitress make the tea. It was sickening. Instead of having a big metal pot, she use the ceramic small pot for every step. Instead of boiling the water and then pouring it into the smaller kettle, she mixed the pots together. And the worst offense? The tea didn't even have enough time to cook. The quality of the the so-called " Turkish Cafe" was appalling. Even the way she pronounced "Afiyet Olsun" was horrendous, It made Sadiq want to grind his teeth into dust. Everything made about this establishment made him angry, everything except the shorter man sitting in front of him. With eyes that may seem to be chocolate in color, they shine like amber honey in the light.

The rain was still thundering. And Gupta was still wet. Sadiq studied his hair as a single water droplet slid its way down without even stopping. _That proves his hair is silky. _Hanging on the edge, the droplet fell and plunked into Gupta's robes. Watching the man shiver before him made him feel like he needed to do something. It was a odd emotion. Nevertheless it wasn't trivial either, it was strong. This time it wasn't just pure impulse, Sadiq **wanted** to touch those silky tresses and satiny skin. He **wanted** to pull the man into his arms again and not give a damn about when it was time to let go, but his morals stopped him. What he felt was unholy, and wrong in the eyes of Allah. It was considered a curse, one of the most abominable sins in Islam. _Alas, the way I feel is not reliable by any means, and no legal punishment can be prescribed based on them. I may not be in Allah's good graces, but I cannot be truly punished, I am in that gray area. What does it mean, these feelings. They constantly bug me, its like an itch I can never scratch, I have to get someone to do it for me. I do admit, just being around him, I have grown fond of this man._Being a liberal Muslim, Sadiq had no problem accepting he might be gay. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. After all, he could be a suicide bomber. Therefore, Sadiq allowed himself to dream, and to desire Gupta.

Gupta was cold. The cold had only crept into his bones, when he had let go of Sadiq. Since then, every rain drop felt like he was being doused in water. At least when he was being close to the taller man, it didn't seem so bad. For a controlled person, Gupta couldn't help but shiver. It reminded him of the days he spent under the Crusader's rule.

_For years after the first Crusade, the nation was left alone. Then the day came when the country was desired by __ Amaury and the Sunni Muslims__. Nothing truly happened on the first attacks, until Amaury came back to show his true intentions. It was a day of suffering, countless men, women, and children had been slaughtered. Gupta couldn't even go back to the city after he saw the southern delta of the Nile soaked in blood. The same pattern continued over, and over. The countless crusades had broken him. The third crusade made him sick. The fourth crusade made him just a prize to be collected, while the crusaders were on their way to Constantinople. The fifth was full of hope, the kind that people lie about. The seventh showed the world Egypt wasn't going to be run over. The eighth crusade was a lucky time. The country could not be touched, simply because the foreigners were not used to the diseases. Gupta didn't feel an ounce of sympathy for them. After all, they had almost kept him in a constant state of paranoia and fear. All because the humans desired the Holy Lands. As far as Gupta was concerned, the Crusaders were __**not**__ going to be let in __**any**__ paradise, especially not their own._

Impassively staring at the flickering candle light helped him focus. The flame would dance every time Gupta would let out an angry sigh. His scar along his hip itched terribly at the memory. _Why does one religion think it has more right to the Holy Lands, than another? Do these people not understand or realize that they are going to destroy themselves beyond forgiveness?_ His previously amber honey eyes transformed into chocolate again due to the thoughts he was having. _I cannot survive another lie, nor another promise full of hope. I will protect my people, and I will not fall for anything. _

As the Egyptians mind wandered, he contemplated on why the Turk was being so nice to him. It was unnatural. Usually, the only reason someone wanted to get close to him was either: to show them how exactly Cleopatra seduces men, or how to gain power using dirty tactics. _Also, he hasn't been trying to convince me he is an ally. Sadiq just sits there and glances at me. I hope he isn't going to ask me to supply him more silks to put in his markets again. At least he hasn't tried to molest me, like Francis. _

The sounds of bangles drifted over to the cafe. The belly dancer emitted mystery, and desire. Sadiq would have been over there in a second, if, and only if, he wasn't still staring at the Egyptian.

Throwing her tantalizing bangles in Gupta's face caught both of their attention spans. Feeling better that she was now the center of attention, she pulled the shorter man into the street to dance. Gupta welcomed it. The previous silence was deafening. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't comfortable. Deciding to throw all his troubles away, Gupta allowed himself to be thrown into the music. Watching her through her veiled face gave him a sense of happiness. Watching her shake her hip in increasing frequency had him coming out of his shell. Allowing himself to be put on display, Gupta shuffled over to the dancer and started to roll his hips in a seductive manner. Sometimes, he would go fast, or slow, it all depended on how fast the drums were and how often the female dancer wanted the spotlight on her. Gupta felt liberated, it had been a long time since he had shimmied, and done his hip punches. Ever since the dance had fallen out, it was rare to see done by anyone but foreigners. _Today I will be myself again, just for a momment, I will allow myself to be free as a darter. _

Allowing the Egyptian take charge of the crowd, the female belly dancer went to go stand on the table he previously inhabited. Thinking nothing of it Gupta continued to move in a playful fashion, spinning in a blur of figure eight's, and fancy pirouettes. The young woman moved toward Sadiq in such a playful fashion, he knew he would have to dance. Pulling him up, she stood next to him and clapped her hands. As everyone turned, Sadiq became irritated. Even if the silence was awkward, he was enjoying his time with Gupta. _Alas, no one can fully get everything they want. But if you enjoy dancing and being in the spotlight so much, that you would even think about coming to play this game with you, then I will upstage you. _

Getting his rhythm in order, Sadiq and the female danced together like a pair of mute swans. They both danced in a unison so heartbreaking, the audience they had captured thought this was the pairs song to one another, their only sound. The only proof they both had to show to the world that they we in love before they took their last breath. Gupta felt jealous. He didn't understand why, but all he knew was that he had to stop his sinful thoughts -otherwise, he would truly suffer-, _I cannot allow myself to feel anything for this man, if I do, and we become one, he will surely break his promises once he realizes I'm broken. I'll never get a chance to have him anyways, it is forbidden. I can never dance to Arabic pop music in his arms, nor allow myself to get close to him again. A_nd with that, Gupta walked away with a fresh tear escaping his amber honey eyes and streaming down his face

_WOO! I WROTE MORE WORDS! (would had been more but once again I had a block..ideas for other stories popped into my head.)_

_I've been reading some fics, and I realized I kinda hate dialogue. Its nice to have the characters speak of course, but after a while they become run on sentences. Also it all gets jumbled together, and then they don't really explain the feeling...Or maybe its because I find talking a waste of time?_

_So much research, I had to look for info on the crusades, Turkish belly dancing, Egyptian belly dancing, and I was typing so fast that some of the songs I was listening to got put in, Any one feel like dancing fancy __**pirouettes**__? And up I also stole the simile for "diamonds look like broken glass to me", Panic! At the Disco owns the lyrics, Wikipedia owns the knowledge I found out. Me? I own the damn words and headaches, at least I get to drink all my hot chocolate. TILL NEXT TIME 3!_

_Oh and everyone, I will be leaving for my grandma's on Friday, so check back often, I won't be able to write this there...most likely anyways..._


	5. Ashure, Cinnamon, and Sunshine

Lets face it I'm bored and im trying to escape my mother...and I am contemplating if I should write a eurovision 2010 fic, or a SuFin fic (found a video on YouTube and fell in love with the couple!). So yea, (AHH too many projects at once...) oh yea, I'm also done with school! Here I come Sophomore year!

Walking the streets of the of Cairo was too much. Gupta simply didn't want to deal with the noise, he wanted to think. Gupta tried to convince himself that he didn't care what Sadiq did, not one bit. _But why does my heart hurt so much right now. It is as if I am being eaten from the inside out. By what is this, what is the cause of this unmeasurable pain I feel? Is this desire I have for this man turning into something more, has it morphed into love? It would be the one feeling I can never have, nor feel in return. I am too broken. _

__While he was wandering blissfully unaware in his own little world, Gupta smacked into the taller man and in the process, he knocked off the Turk's mask. Giving a startled cry, Gupta tried to walk away from Sadiq. He didn't succeed. Sadiq grabbed his arm and pushed him against the wall.

Lifting up the shorter man's face, Sadiq said,"Why did you run away?", in a menacing voice.

"I have a bit of nomad in me, we travel. Let me go about my business." Gupta snapped back.

Raising an eyebrow, Sadiq said in a amused tone, "Hm, I thought it would be easier to get an answer from you." As he said this, he guided his face closer to Gupta's.

Flustered from the lack of personal space, Gupta replied, "Not everyone is as they seem to be. Why don't you go back to dance with your concubine?"

"Are you jealous? No need, for she does not amuse me as much as you do." Sadiq replied with immense satisfaction in his voice. He was happy that he could eradicate a reaction like that from that man who was always impassive.

This close Gupta had a front row seat to the man's eyes. Even though they were burning into his at the moment, he did not look away. His pride would not allow it.

"Why are you still silent? Have I struck the golden pillar of truth?" Sadiq asked.

The eyes that were filled moments before with rage and amusement, were now filled with concern.

Closing his own pair of windows to the soul, Gupta sighed. _It would be a lot easier if he would go away. _"It does not matter. Let me go."

"Was it because you were jealous I was dancing with her, when I was talking to you? I didn't realize you were so stingy.", and before he could give the other man a chance to answer back, Sadiq pulled him into his arms and started to spin lazily in circles. From what he examined, the man was too distraught to do a more complicated step and had obviously been crying. Ignoring Gupta's minor protests, that consisted of trying to pull away, Sadiq smelled Gupta's hair. It was a simple combination of the man's favorite flower and _I hate struggles, but doing this almost makes it seem as if its mutual._

Gupta gave up, Sadiq was just taller and stronger than him, nothing could change that, but he had to admit to himself, the embrace wasn't completely unwanted. _Its too late. _I am addicted to him now. Relaxing his muscles, Gupta allowed himself to lean against the taller man.

أعتقد أنني في الحب معك...

_His eyes snapped open. The assassins were coming. After years of ruling, they had come to get rid of him just as hey had done to his mother. Gupta needed an ally desperately. The robbers burst through the door as if they were a cobra bursting out of its basket. Their eyes showed no pity and no mercy. Clad in all black robes, looking like the servants of death itself, they proceeded to attack Gupta. Not even bothering to prepare him, they robbers of his innocence pounded him and made him cough up __blood. As various fluids and tears mixed on his body, Gupta crawled to the altar and proceeded to stab himself. Wishing that he was dead was only the beginning to his descent into insanity. The men left him with parting words. This is what true love is, and saying that to a six year old, it has completely shattered everything he knew about love. From then on, Gupta developed a very twisted sense of affection. It wasn't voluntary, it was just because he didn't know any better. _

_Sadiq had only given one person those same words before. It was not as easy as this time. The words he uttered held a lot of baggage for him. __**Who would want someone who is as murderous as me? I killed my last lover. **__The scene Sadiq had engraved into his memory burned like a thousand suns. He remembered that night. And he regretted it ever since._

Forgetting his troubles, and wanting to drown himself in pleasure, Sadiq leaned down and tasted the shorter man. It was a gentle wave of cinnamon that wafted over to his own senses. It was a bottle of sunshine. It was as beautiful as a moon beam. The flavor of Gupta was simply amazing, so amazing, that no words could do the action justice.

As soon as his breath wafted over Gupta's lips, he panicked. Various images of his time in his room and in the tomb shoved their way into his mind. Before he could shove Sadiq away, he was enveloped in a cloud of ashure. He immediately knew the man like his with cinnamon and rose water, with dried dates and pomegranate. It didn't matter anymore if he was broken, At this moment all that matter was he had his first real sense of affection and love.

Yea, I don't know what happened either...still trying to figure that out...oh, and im not going to give the English translation...MUAHAHA. Anyways HAPPY READING!


	6. Razors and Raki

School has started and I will be better at writing this and for me I will still try my best to get out chapters, after all its only my soph. Year. I also apologize for abandoning my baby (this story, I swear I dont even WANT children).

(_)

Gupta couldn't remember anything. It was as if someone had put a big black censor sign over his memories, and worse than that he thought he was fifteen again. That scared the shit out of him. Having no idea what month or day it was. Everything came flooding back.

_In the corner wad something less than a boy. Something less than an human. It ate in a horrible manner tearing into the flesh of barely cooked animals, would take to itself in third person, claim that his mother was in the room talking to him. It didn't matter though, this __**thing **__was obviously the master's favorite toy to play with. He had used all the tactics for breaking a prince into less of what he was, that he could think of. Strapping him to goats and having them stretch the young prince out, starving the man for weeks until it was clear he would die in an hour , then feed him a feast and watch him puke. Bring him another slave that could mimic his mother's voice to tell him horrible things about how she didn't love him and how much he would go to hell. Carry a knife inside the room he kept him in and would carve out pieces of flesh and leave him to rot. Numerous things, nothing that no one should have to ever have to experience. Arguably though, no matter what he would go through in the years he was a captive, Gupta hated it most when he would be raped without any mercy. _

Gupta crawled into a corner and rocked to himself trying not to descend into the madness that his heart, mind, body, and very soul possessed. Ultimately he failed in the end and let it overtake him.

_(-)_

All forms of communication had been broken off. So much, that the other nations were beginning to get uneasy at the silence coming from the Egyptian.

(-)

Sadiq was pissed. He was infuriated with the Egyptian. _ What the hell did he mean by I can repay you for all the trouble I've cause? Then he had the nerve to get on his knees like he was a cheap whore, almost like it was routine for him. _It didn't seem to fit, nothing Gupta did seemed to make any damn sense. _One minute he's nervous, then he looks as if he's having the time of his life, then...he gets this glazed looked, almost as if he isn't really seeing whats in front of him or notice what he is doing. _And he was insulted. Sure, he had picked up many people to help him find a release, but it was the last thing he had on his list to do with the shorter man. After all it doesn't take a phycologist and psychiatrist to tell that Gupta had problems.

Sadiq took another sip from his Raki, but it was in vain. The lion's milk did nothing to make him feel better. In the mist of his anger and guilt he threw the glass against a stranger's temple. _Goes to show what kind of person I am_, Sadiq thought as he punched a bystander in the crowd of club goers.

(-)

The room was in utter chaos. The door had been torn off of its hinges, the wall of books had the appearance of when you set something on fire, only to put it out at the last minute. The smell of burnt leather, burial incense, and blood hung in the air. Numerous razors coated the floor, but in the most unusual way. All the sharp points were pointed in the direction of the door, each one no more than an half of an inch apart. The goal was obvious, you run into the room trying to interrupt the actions of Gupta, you will also make a sacrifice.

But up ahead was also disturbing, Gupta was on top of the alter with a bottle of Diazepam and Cyanide. Closing his eyes in acceptance, he sighed and recited his farewell note and last words.

_Sometimes this genius goes dark and sinks down into the bitter well of his heart. _

_Death is before me today  
As the odour of __myrrh__,  
As when one sitteth under the sail on a windy day._

_Death is before me today  
As the odour of __lotus __flowers,  
As when one sitteth on the shore of drunkenness._

_Death is before me today,  
As a man longs to see his house  
When he has spent years in __captivity__._

And he proceeded to rip off the seal on the poisonous liquid. Giving one last prayer to Allah, Gupta raised the bottle to his lips. Then all hell broke lose.

_What is the utmost betrayal to you?_

_Is it when I press my lips to some else? _

_Is it when I take away your happiness? _

_Is it when you see me trying to end my life? _

_Even if I feel what I am doing is making you worry less about us?_

_Even if it gives me a twisted sense of pleasure? _

_Even if I love you, will you let me rot because that makes me happy?_

_These questions are important my dear,_

_For your answers are the knife I want to sink into my flesh. _

(-)

Ok, I think I did a good job on that...even if Im not too crazy about the poem I wrote at the end...review please, it makes me become better so you dont have to throw up when I write.


	7. Angers turns into isolation

Hey guys I know my chapters have been irregular so for that I apologize. Without furthers ado, I give you another chapter of Hourglass

(_)

Sadiq waltzed in, Sadiq stormed in, Sadid blew up, Sadiq took away the bottle and proceded to smash it upon the altar. And, the only response he got was, "Its my decision to do what I want.", in which sadiq promptly replied, "As it is mine to make sure you live to see another day". Confused Gupta looked up into the eyes to the man who was carrying him to the car and replied, "Why would you do that? You had no right to inter-", ignoring his protest Sadiq took control of the conversation and slipped his tongue into Gupta's mouth. _After all my goal is to make you mine._

(_)

He was pissed. He was seeing red in a whole new light. His head was throbbing in time with his heart.

Currently he was staring at the only person who would make him feel this way at the momment. The creator of the anger he felt. Leaning against the door way, Sadiq stared. It was unnatural, the way the glaze covered the shorter man's face and how he way rocking himself back and forth, almost as if to a metronome. It wasn't helping that the setting sun's rays were illuminating the bronze skin of his crush, nor was it helping that Gupta looked so desolate that he seemed to not even be in the right state of mind.

After the countless hours that dissolved into minutes that dissolved into seconds had pass, Sadiq was ready to forcibly get a straight answer out of the Egyptian.

Lifting his eyelids, the tall man took to a menacing aura and advanced to the one laying upon his collection of pillows. As he got closer he noticed Gupta singing to himself, quietly, yet quite firmly:

حسين الجسمي - بحبك وحشتيني

و بحبك وحشتيني بحبك و انتي نور عيني  
ده و انتي مطلعه عيني بحبك موت  
لفيت قد ايه لفيت ما لقيت غير في حضنك بيت  
و باقولك انا حنيت بعلو الصوت

و كان الوقت في بعدك واقف ما بيمشيش  
و كانك كنتي معايا بعدت و ما بعدتيش  
في دم حبيبتي و امي و زي ما اكون ما تدعيش  
بعدت و كنت هاعمل ايه  
مين اختار غربته بايديه

لكن حبك ده ما نستهوش و عايش فيه  
ليه اتاسف عالغيبه ما غبتيش لحظه و قريبه  
ما حدش عنده كده طيبه و حنيه

In a simple D minor. It melted away Sadiq's anger and he gently laid a hand upon the slight shoulder of the Egyptian. Gathering him in his arms,when he didn't get a response, he laid a gentle kiss on the shorter man's brow and started to rock to the same metronome that he was.

After a time, Gupta gave up on the song and started to give out huge heartbreaking sobbs, and heave giant breaths of air out of his system. At a loss, Sadiq drew away and turned to exit the room. "Wait! I need you!", was the only tie that held him to this room, the only teather that he couldn't, wouldn't break. Without turning, Sadiq once again started to advance forward torward the door. "If i don't give us a break from one another, then i might just kill you".

(-)

Stark still he sat, the blood flowing in him took to an immediate pause. _Impossible._ Refusing to take that as a good bye, Gupta launched himself off of the bed towards the door. In vain the door slammed, and he bounced off, the tall man refusing him any contact. Curling in a ball, Gupta gave up, and crawled to the door to plead with him. Instead, he found a glimmer of hope, the feeling of a familiar figure's heat wafting through the door's frame.

"Do you want to talk about it?", in a deep baritone wafted through the cracks.

"Can we talk about us first?", a tentative reply came after a moment of silence.

"What about us? If I remember, you disappeared after our day in the market." a voice full of accusation that stung.

"I would like to salvage through the remain…..to see if there's anything left." a voice of hopefulness and guarded feelings replied.

"For whats its worth, I love you, but I cannot." a voice full of caution gave a gloomy answer.

(_)

Hey, im trying to egulate this story. So thats all for now, yes ill eventually explain what happened after Gupta's attemped suicide, but something more important has to occur first. What is it? * I have no idea.* But, rest assured ill try my best. Heres the translation to the song.

Hussain Al-Jasmi - I Love You, I Miss You

I love you, I miss you  
I love you and you are the light of my eye  
When you look into my eyes  
I love you to death  
How many times have I searched and searched?  
I have not found a home except in your embrace  
And I'll tell you I long for you at the top of my voice And when I was away from you time stood still  
As if you could have been with me I moved away and you did not  
In the blood of my beloved and my mother  
Don't let me be how I am  
I moved away form you, but what was I supposed to do?  
Who chooses his own estrangement?

But this love of yours I couldn't forget and I live in it  
Why be sorry for this absence when you were never asent, always near (because she's in his heart)  
No one is as kind and nice as this 


	8. The Crow and the Butterfly

Warning- This is a rewrite. Simply because I hated what I posted earlier...but you should still read it because not only is it a rewrite, it is also chapter eight.

(_)

Sadiq waltzed in.

Saw the result of the aftermath.

Sadiq waltzed ou.

Sadiq stormed in.

Sadid blew up.

Sadiq calmed down.

Sadiq was pacing.

Sadiq prayed torwards Mecca.

Sadiq screamed.

All in all, Sadiq was emotional, a very rare thing indeed.

_No explanation for what he did, none at all! What would drive someone to that extreme, that solution? Doesn't he seem happy? Is is because of me? Oh, merciful Allah, please don't let it be my fault! What if he felt rejected because of my hangups? _

The slender man was still lying upon the bedding Sadiq had laid him on. Still the keffiyeh that was on top of his head was covered in blood, and the robes he wore had blood stains upon them. In a way it was so mysterious, strange, yet beautiful, the red slashed on the pure white, almost like a canvas when an artist uses watercolors, the gradual concentration of the red. The only thing that kept it from being artistic, way the way it was acquired.

(_)

_It didn't matter. None of it mattered, even if he was being burned by the flames licking the walls, even if his feet had a current occupation of being cut up into ribbons of flesh that may never heal. The only focus, the only goal, the only thing he wanted to completely acquire, was currently drinking a bottle, a bottle that didn't seem quite right, nor very sane. Wax had obviously sealed it before it had been ripped apart, then burned for the job to become easier. The air had a slight sinful nature to it, and if Sadiq possessed the sight to see other beings, then he might have seen the devil himself sitting on the altar urging the man on. _

_But there was a moment of hesitation, there always is, a moment of uncertainty, one full of a split second decision, one that can make or break you. Its like being at a crossroad, you have to choose what direction you will take, and once you make the choice, you can only broad over it and evaluate your selection. You make a pick and proceed to knock the bottle away from the lips you have longed to touch, and possess with your own. _

_Alas, it doesn't go along swimmingly, instead of having Gupta breakdown into a torrent of tears to rival the Niagara falls (a supposedly "awesome place" that Alfred seems to like to use as a personal swimming pool) , you are met with a torrent of kicks, punches, and a ferocious tenacious grip. You fear to retaliate, but the bruises will cover your body as if you got a collage of tattoos and you fight back. Its is nothing you take enjoyment in, but it is a action you must take. _Self defense_, _**purely**just selfdefense_, you tell yourself, even as the man you love grabs a handful of razors and starts to slash at your body. _

_Your body hasn't taken this much abuse in a while, the country you are has been relatively peaceful, even if the decisions your leader made were questionable. Not since the last major war has your body felt the pain of a soldier, their pain of flesh being torn at simultaneous times, the last life flicker out into the void. It has been a long time. It is an odd thing, that the pain this man underneath you can cause, how it takes some serious concentration to not think of sexual acts. But it is not completely impossible for him, long ago did he make a promise to himself not to repeat the same mistakes of forcing himself upon a broken comrade, lover or not, past experiences shown him that raping someone could leave scars so deep that the only way to retrieve your sanity...is suicide_

(-)

Fanned out and sprawled upon the huge pillows of your crush after you tried to maim him was a reasonably awkward situation. _Who does that? Who freaks out on someone important to you and offers no explanation? Who tries to kill himself based on the hallucinations of the past you locked away? _All this plagued Gupta as he strived to keep his breath steady in hopes to not alert the tall man and have to suffer looking at him.

"I can hear you, don't try to hide it." a weary voice commanded.

"I have nothing to say" once full of shame replied.

Allowing himself a glimpse of Sadiq's physical state turned into a full on stare. Lying in the corner of the room, in a perfect slump, as if anyone could call something perfect, was the man. Head thrown back to lean again the oversized bedding similar to the ones Gupta had. Around his brow wasn't the familiar mask, nor was it the green hood he had become accustomed to. Instead of that, was gauze was around the brow, the beautiful hands he had longed to touch and be touched with, were bandaged with white strips that hid the copper tone of his callused skin.

"Do you want to talk about it?", in a deep baritone wafted through the cracks of a stoic face, but it was easy, almost too easy, to hear the pain it was imbedded with.

"Can we talk about us first?", a tentative reply came after a moment of silence.

"What about us? If I remember, you disappeared after our day in the market." a voice full of accusation that stung.

"I would like to salvage through the remains…..to see if there's anything left." a voice of hope replied.

"..." silence that let the questions that needed to be asked and answers that needed to be said, but there wasn't time for that.

Its a universal thing, staring into someones eyes and silently asking or begging even for permission. Maybe its a human contact thing, to be close to someone, be accepted will all faults. So when Gupta begged for admittance into Sadiq's arms to be comforted, he was desperate. Even if it was a terrifying thing for him, it was amazing that being in the taller man's arms made him feel loved and safe.

"Do you think you can explain why you are like this, avoiding contact, then begging for it the next?"

"Do you think you can explain why you seem to regret everything you do with me?"

Giving a silent chuckle, that made his body frame shake, Sadiq buried his head into the crook of Gupta's neck and began to cry.

"Ilove you"

"None may ever love me, im too tainted, so please don't say that."

"Until you give up on that notion and say you feel the same, I won't stop saying it."

Its a funny thing when two people can be stubborn.

(_)

did you guys like? I know I was saving the fight for later, but I couldn't resist. Also, it looks like Tuesday's are going to be update days (yay for progress)! If anything I said in this chapter is inaccurate (as in how peaceful turkey is and how there have not been any major battles in a while) please correct me. It would be nice if you favorited or reviewed. Love-Charlie


	9. Release of sorrow and a relapse

The gentle sunbeam that illuminated the lips of the coffee colored man that leaned against him. The angel hair that seemed to give off light and bounce upon the face of his one and only. Everything would be perfect if, and only, if, Gupta would open up.

It was hard. It was hard being in love with some one and watching them deteriorate in front of you. It definably wasn't pleasant either. Pleasantry, what was it anyway? Was it the way Gupta rested upon the space between his shoulder blade and his collarbone? Was it how Sadiq didn't ask any questions of him when he awoke? Was it how he felt when he awoke in a very uncomfortable position, yet felt completely energized and refreshed? It was the only solution, that had to be it. How else could you explain the ability you had to ignore the pain that laced your chest when ever you breathed?

Logically, it was due to your strength. After the countless wars you had been through, it was only natural that you would develop a numbness against the worst kind of pain. Rationally, that was the exact reason why, but you couldn't help but wonder. What it because of the complicated mass that currently leaned against you?

Logically, no, it couldn't be. All because of past events, all because of your personal pact. A pact of that you would never fall this deep. A pact you completely broke in two when you declared your love for Gupta. A pact that kept you from murdering a loved one again.

(-)

Light. Its been a while. Along, time if you were completely honest with yourself. Almost years, since you have slept in the same room as another body full of warmth, not the bitter cold flesh you still, on a blue moon, dream about. Decades, since someone has held you so gently, in a comforting manner, and , more importantly, stayed in your presence all night. Centuries, since you have felt this warmth, this love radiating out and enveloping you in a cloud of delight, not suspicion. A millennium must have passed before your have ever been this happy.

(-)

It would have been easier, a lot easier if your were drinking and telling your story. A whole hell lot easier. But, luckily for you, there was nothing easy about this. Abso-fucking-lutly nothing.

"Have you ever made mistakes full of regret?" you inhale in preparation of what may happen.

"Of course, everybody does." a sleepy whisper reaches your ears.

"Have you ever hurt someone to the point where they don't forgive you?" your throat constricts.

"Once upon a time..." came a drawled out answer.

"Has it ever ended in death?"

"...yes, Why are yo-"

"Where you the cause of a suicide?"

"..where are you going with this?"

"...i was young and idiotic. I didn't realize the importance of consent" another inhale of breath, were you imagining the tension of the body in your arms? " I wooed him at an alarming rate, and played him for a strong man who could take anything, I also didn't understand how amazingly fragile a heart can be." silence, the type of great concentration, and the effort to fully pay attention to the information you are giving out. "I met him at a bar, and I saw him dead,, dead after only 6 hours with me. It only took six hours for me to crack and to break him. I was too forceful," your speech starts to crack and stumble. "too eager to have a good time. To eager to just get what I want and leave, and not look back. I wasn't even patient enough to let him get drunk, too high-strung to let him think all of this was a bad dream. No, I became a monster, I took him, took him in a rough manner. I made him bleed, **I did and I didn't even care when I watch the skinny rivers of blood run into the bedsheets." **

You break, this is the moment you have been dreading to be a participant of, but you can't change your past, you can only redeem yourself in the future. This is when you cry openly, not for you, no, not at all, but for the man you watch die in front of you, the man you were so careless to love for only 6 hours. This is also when you expect Gupta to run away or be disgusted with you. Yet, you want him to stay and comfort you, its a long shot, but you'll do anything for it. He punishes you with a simple question, yet comforts you, allows you to get it all out. But the question does he do it so you can come to terms with your mistake? Or for his sake, so he knows the extent of your brutality and remorse?

"How did he die?" in a voice laced with judgment and a worried tone.

"After we slept together, I awoke to the screams of him yelling. Yelling, and sobbing,

"I'm sorry mom- I'm sorry dad, -yes-, I do know I'm going to hell! But please! Please do-",and the sound of a phone breaking at the same time a heart does. I was still indebted to the drink that still flowed in my body, so I lazily began telling him it wasn't the end of the world and that if anyone can't accept what you like, they pray too much. It wasn't until later I realize what he had done during my rant. Instead of giving him what he needed...i gave him the tools to have a conflict within himself and go mad. He muttered numerous bible verses and psalms, and it wasn't until he started to sing 'Jesus loves me', I noticed what he was doing. With every verse he step closer to the edge of the building and once he got there, he muttered "my atonement for my sinful actions", and took the fatal step that plummeted him down twenty-six stories down. It was death via concrete."

(-)

An Eon. If it could have lasted an Eon. If he hadn't told you . If he hadn't told you the horrors of his past mishaps and mistakes. If you could have passed it off as a dream, you would, but it was too real. All the details, and your past experiences made it too real.

All the anger you had acquired while listening to the tragic six hours Sadiq was a part of, made you think of your own experiences. The same emotion that man had experience boil up inside you too. But it was all futile, as you turn towards the door to make your escape, its the lonely sob that stops you from bolting out the door.

His eyes convey the pain and remorse he felt and how deep. The soul projected that it was in shambles because of all that had happened. The body language communicated that it was scared, and hurt deeper than anything else. The blood that began to bleed through the robes he wore. All in all, it was easy to see the distress Sadiq was in, and for a split second, Gupta thought he was in more pain than the Egyptian had **ever** been in.

Like that could ever happen though.

(-)

Odd things tend to happen when regret, shame, guilt, and kindness enter and permeate a room. Only then can the healing begin. So what happened a few moments later was no surprise.

_If one hears truth in the morning, one may die without regret in the evening- unknown_

(-)

Hello...yes...please send hate mail, I know I haven't been good at keeping up with this but...yea...life is moving at a very fast pace for me. Ill do my best to update when I can. I think I can finish this whole story in about three to five more chapter too...YAY!...i love writing, but I always get writers block...or just go blank.

Review if you forgive me..and can answer these questions

in the hell won't my line breaks show up? Its annoying...and that's it. For now of course...

And now a shameless plug...I wrote a one-shot, two days ago as an apology, don't worry its the same couple. Its called Transplant of the heart, I think I did a good job! Here's the link if your lazy-

_(add fan fiction . net)__/s/6322772/1/Transplant_of_the_heart_


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